


a brown-eyed handsome man

by oh_la_fraise



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Drag Queens, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 01:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20350078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_la_fraise/pseuds/oh_la_fraise
Summary: “God, I can’t believe you actually went with Baby Ruth,” David says as he stands and Patrick tucks himself back in. “At least you have talent and my impeccable sense of costuming so you don’t completely embarrass yourself.”





	a brown-eyed handsome man

**Author's Note:**

> Life has been. . .not bad, lately, but really busy and kinda stressful? I'm just working a ton and doing my masters and dating someone (!), which is very fun but has left me very little time for fandom, which I sorely miss. So instead of plugging away at the long fic I've been working on, I wrote whatever this is on my way home from spin because I needed something a little light and goofy. Idk, I feel like Patrick with his love of performing would be super into drag. 
> 
> Title is from Centerfield, which would OBVIOUSLY be Patrick's go to song.
> 
> (Also, Ted isn't in this but I've been on a mission to make the Ted/Patrick friendship tag official, which means it needs at least five works, which means I'm getting liberal with my use of the tag)

“You’re going to ruin my makeup,” Patrick says, pulling back. David looks at him in disbelief, looks down to where his jersey is hiked up and his cock still out from a pre-show “I’m kinda nervous” soothing blow job, and then looks back up. 

“I want a divorce.”

“No, you don’t,” Patrick says, bringing his hand up to stroke the side of David’s face in lieu of kissing him. He lets David feel the cool press of his wedding ring, the one thing Patrick never removes when he’s in character. David leans into it, pressing a kiss into his palm. “No, I don’t.”

The moment is ruined when Celine Dijon ( _ she wishes,  _ David had snarked after he’d met her), the MC, bangs on the door of the utility closet the bar has deigned Patrick’s dressing room. “Baby! Stop fucking your DILF and get out here! It’s almost your turn.” Between Patrick’s persona and the fact that David just had his 35th birthday, there have been a lot of jokes like that. Patrick had called him Daddy as a joke one time, and David hadn’t spoken to him for hours. Patrick had to go to the bakery in Elm Grove it was so bad.

“God, I can’t believe you actually  _ went  _ with Baby Ruth,” David says as he stands and Patrick tucks himself back in. “At least you have talent and my impeccable sense of costuming so you don’t completely embarrass yourself.”

Patrick shrugs. They’d had this argument a million times, and he couldn’t wait to have it a million more. “Okay, first of all, your suggestion was in  _ French,  _ which no one would have got.” David harrumphs, and then goes silent as Patrick pulls on his knee highs. Patrick ducks and tries to hide behind the mop bucket; Patrick putting on the socks had been what made them late to begin with. “Second- when I asked Ted to come up with baseball puns, he got really excited, and he would have looked like a kicked puppy if I’d told him no."

“Was that a pun? God, you’ve got to stop hanging out with him. I’m less worried about you checking him out and more about him corrupting your brain with horrible jokes.”

Patrick smiles, stepping into his heels. He’s gotten a lot better at walking in them since he’d started; he hasn’t fallen in a while. “If the price I have to pay for marrying into the Rose family is hanging out with your slightly-cheesy brother-in-law, I think I’ll be okay.”

“Hmm, don’t forget assuaging my mother’s fragile ego from time to time.” David rolls his eyes, but he blows a kiss as Patrick slings his bat over his shoulder in deference to the make up. Urban Decay setting spray, Patrick is learning, can only do so much. Outside,  [ Fogerty ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq3hEMUeBGQ) is starting to play. “Go get ‘em, Slugger.”   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks in advance for any comments! I've given up on trying to catch up on all the replies I owe people, but I appreciate them all so much.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at ohlafraise.


End file.
